Club409
The Best Waste of Your Time, Ever.

this one happened a few weeks ago, but i saved it until the coast was clear...



i had a dream my gf got pregnant. nothing special about the dream, just what would happen if she did and then had the baby. as soon as i woke up, she woke up, turned to me, and said "oh man, i just had a dream that i got pregnant." needless to say we were both pretty spooked, but coast is clear now!

so i'm hanging around this industrial park with a bunch of warehouses and stuff, and i was sure there were some shenanigans going on. i wasn't working or anything, it was just me. and i'm staying out of view of all the probable bad guys walking around. i see one dude sitting up on a catwalk on one of the warehouses, and he's just looking around with some binoculars and occasionally typing on his laptop. the dude looks like the main character from GTA4. i then realize i have a laptop too. i notice i have this program on it and i was going to use it and it would tell me what that guy was doing on his laptop. but instead of doing that the program put me inside of that dude's body, just like that's how it's supposed to be. so i'm like, huh, and start walking around. i go into one of the warehouses and it ends up being this sweet-ass mall type thing that's run by a private military corporation. there's a sports bar, a huge store with like 50 caliber rifles on the shelf, and a gym. i was like, man this is badassed maybe i should get a job here. so i'm walking around the park and i see some other dudes loading some stuff in a truck and i'm like we'll i need to check this out. i look around and there's some 409ers hanging out back behind me. so i go over there and i'm like yo whatup homies it's d-rizzle. and y'all are like sup? i tell arif to run this program on some other dude so we can go check out what's going on with this truck. but arif is running some lame linux build or something and he can't get the program going. i'm like alright whatever n00b, and go off to investigate.

appropriate since v keeps us around



I was in the atrium of this huge building, and the atrium had a domed ceiling. Slightly off center of the ceiling was a tunnel up out of the ceiling that was maybe 200 ft long. Apparently you could jump through the top of the tunnel and end up in the atrium. I assumed you'd be attached to a harness or something and stop above the floor like Mission Impossible. So V decides to go for it and I wait for her in the atrium. Except there's no harness or anything, she just goes for it. She jumps into the tunnel, hits the side, starts tumbling, hits the side again, keeps falling, comes out of the tunnel, lands flat on her stomach, bounces up, then ends up on her side. THE END

For this dream I was only in it part of the time. Most of the time I was just watching. I was working at a construction site with some old dude with a grey beard. We were just cleaning it up. We went around to the side of the building to take a break. When we came back there were two Mexican dudes who were also working who were gambling. They were like hey esé you saw us gambling now we have to kill you. So the old guy was like screw this and produced this vehicle that was basically a Segway without handle bars or a bar going up the middle to hold handle bars. So I was like, well it's like almost a Segway, so we'll just call it a Way. Whatever. So the old dude GTFOs by sitting on the Way. To make it drive you had to sit on it like you're doing the V-sit abdominal workout: butt and hands on the platform on the same line, and your feet elevated straight out in front of you. You'd then just tilt the platform forward and it would start moving forward. At this point I was the old dude and I was driving. I took off from the construction site, and the Mexicans gave chase in their old pickup truck. First I'm bouncing through the site, over dirt mounds and through erosion control fencing. I skid over the sidewalk, off the curb and on to the open road. There was no limit to how fast the Way could go, it was only limited by how far forward you could tilt it, which depended on how strong your arms and abs were. I'm flying down the road and I manage to put some distance between myself and the Mexicans and I find a spot to hide. The Mexicans find where I pulled over, stop their truck and start looking. They decide to split up to see if they can find me. OK now I'm back in third person. The shorter Mexican is looking around, and off to the right he sees the grey beard guy facing away from him. The Mexican shoots and kills the grey beard guy. The other taller Mexican stands up from where he was hiding in the grass, except IT'S THE GREY BEARD GUY WEARING THE TALL MEXICAN'S CLOTHES. The grey beard guy looks at the short Mexican and is like I saw you shoot your friend. You have no choice but to do what I say or I'll tell the police what you did. You have to follow me as I practice and spread the word of my new religion. The Mexican dejectedly hangs his head and agrees and they begin to walk off together. Then I woke up, which is probably for the best.

I'm not sure but people were laying and fertilizing their own eggs

That's the last time I take an ibuprofen with a fall-asleep pill

I had a super creepy dream last night. It was one of those ones where I wasn't sure if I had had the dream before, or if I just had the memory in dream world during the dream. Anywho, I went to this new school where the students were divided into two groups. One group was kinda normal kids and the other group were these creepy violent kids, and they would go on random beating sprees. They would all have certain weapons of choice and just go beat on the normal kids, and the normal kids were always on the lookout for it. But there was one creepy kid, who had some dumb nickname, like "the kid" or something, and he was extra violent. He had some weird hook thing that he would beat a kid with. Except when you beat someone with a hook, you kinda maul the shit outta them. So that kid was pretty fucked up afterwards. My friend Katie was in the dream. There was throwing up and lots of blood. I didn't know what to do because I was new, so I wasn't part of either group. I was with the creepos at some point, and I was horrified by what they were doing, but I didn't want to get mauled . I think I woke up about the time that "the kid" ran by covered in blood and I knew that some poor kid was laying somewhere half dead. I wanted to throw up. Then I woke up, quite relieved.

In unrelated dream news, I also had one of those naked dreams a couple nights ago. The problem with my naked dreams is that I'm usually naked because I took my own clothes off, then realized I was in public and couldn't figure out why the hell I would take my clothes off. So in my dream I was naked at work, in a tutoring session. Because I took my own clothes off. And I kept telling myself to wake up, only to be horrified by the fact that I was still at work, and still naked. Which meant it couldn't possibly be a dream, as I had hoped. So I was particularly relieved to wake up in my own bed.

two dreams yesterday, the first one was kind of weird, i guess after my bout of E coli i'm a little more concerned with bodily frailties, in my dream i was brushing my teeth and i noticed some food in between my teeth, i go to floss and i get the food out but then i'm like, there's way too much stuff on the floss now, it was my gums just breaking away as i flossed, that was disheartening, i open my mouth and i see that the roof of my mouth is caved in and i've got etc. etc. just hanging off into my mouth, i have a swallow reflex and something stringy like an artery goes down my throat and just hangs so that's unpleasant, i wake up and nervously touch my tounge to the roof of my mouth and everything is where it's supposed to be, phew, prob relax on flossing for a few days

second dream is actually kind of nice:

I'm working for the feds or something and we're wrapping up for the day, just riding around in the suburban or whatever and about to take it to HQs. One of the guys I'm riding with looks at a green Land Rover with some rims and is like, "I think that's [dude]'s car. We've got like all kind of warrants for thefts and bank fraud on this guy." We'll say dude's name is Jimmy. So we roll out to get behind Jimmy. He dips out and we lose him, so we're just checking around the area. For some reason I get the feeling he's over near this New England style cottage. I tell the guys to let me out and I'll walk around. I'm walking aroudn when some crazy crackhead lady comes up to me and is like hey when you gonna take me out and I'm like maybe some other time Ms. Lady, I'm kind of busy now. She gives up and leaves me alone. I go to the cottage and knock on the door and an older white couple answers the door. I tell them I'm a fan of the architecture of the cottage and I ask if I could look around. They're happy to show me around. I meet their daughter and she's very pretty. I talk to her about whatever and I'm pretty much digging her. I notice Jimmy's car out back, and through some other way I figure this is Jimmy's parents and sister. I tell them I'm with the feds and that I'm here for Jimmy. They say they understand, but they want me to know that Jimmy is actually a good kid. He's 17 years old and is just getting caught up in the excitement of his schemes. They keep telling me how great he is. The dad actually brings me a paper to sign for some Congressional committee that would pardon Jimmy of all wrongdoing. I tell dad that he's convinced me Jimmy is a good guy, and I tell him I'll sign the paper I just need to talk to Jimmy first. I tell dad to bring Jimmy out, and he goes and gets Jimmy. I put him in handcuffs, and they're like wth I thought you weren't going to arrest him. I tell them that was trickery which is legal for law enforcement to use, and I was still going to arrest him. I tell them that he's obviously never had consequences visited on him for his actions and if he doesn't realize the error of his ways now, things will only get worse. They reluctantly accept what I tell them and I take Jimmy away.
Some time later the family invites me to lunch at a restaurant near the cottage. I show up and I see Jimmy working in the kitchen peeling potatoes. I see his sister working in the kitchen too. She says she works there part-time and that Jimmy got setenced to a work release program. I go over to Jimmy and I ask him what it was like to work. He says he hates it and that it's really boring compared to his time wingin and blingin. I'm like well that's what work is, and it makes you value the free time you do have. You can't buy and occupy yourself with endless distractions while you're working. I tell him to expand his mind and try humming a song or thinking about something he's never thought about before. He's like whatever. I ask his sister if she wants to sit down for lunch and she says sure, and goes and sits with her parents at the table. I tell her I have to go outside to make a phone call. As I'm leaving the kitchen I hear Jimmy humming.
I finish with the phone call and start to go back inside. I'm looking forward to lunch with Jimmy's parents & sister esp. The crackhead lady comes up to me again and is like are we gonna have lunch. I tell her no and go inside. She follows me in and follows me as I'm walking to the table where the family is sitting, in spite of all the chairs I'm pulling out to block her. She keeps following me all the way up to the family table where I take another whole table and put it between us and I'm about to tell her to leave me the F alone when Jimmy's parents stand up and ask Ms. Lady if she would like to sit at the table I just pulled out with them and have lunch with them. She says sure. I give them a look like really? and they're like sure go ahead. They sit down and I go to the table with their daughter and sit down and we all have a nice lunch. THE END

well it pretty much made sense so it was easier to remember

Steve! I had a dream that you were back in town and playing ultimate. I was on the line and someone's like "Oh Steve's here." So I look over and you're standing on the sidelines and I'm like "Sweet! Steve is awesome!" We missed you out there, so get ready to bring your A game on Tuesday! Maybe you'll give us the edge we need to win our first game... :O